Why Trust Takes Time in Addiction Recovery

What’s included?

1. Introduction
2. Why does addiction make people lie?
3. How can I be patient during someone’s recovery?
4. Can trust ever be the same after addiction?
5. How Delamere can help rebuild trust

Living with or around someone addicted to alcohol or drugs is tough. While you long for the person you loved to return, you suffer the worst kind of betrayal. Lies and deceit. These are the traits that seep into your relationship and breed longstanding mistrust.

As well as working hard on rebuilding physical and mental strength during recovery, these personal attributes need extra care and attention. We’re here to guide friends and family through the process of rebuilding trust during the recovery process. 

Understand why your loved one is lying, learn how to be more patient and find out what you can do to put your relationship back on track.

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Why does addiction make people lie? 

Lying is common among people struggling with addiction. Whether it’s an empty bottle in the back of the car, or blood on the bathroom floor, they’ll find a plausible explanation. 

If you’ve lived with someone’s lies for a long time, this can damage trust. But the addicted brain has undergone changes that this person simply can’t control. Knowing why this behaviour occurs can help you make sense of it. 

Changes in brain chemistry

Addiction affects the part of the brain that deals with judgement and impulse control. It forces people who are addicted to substances to make rash decisions and inhibits their sense of what’s right and wrong. 

Fear of confrontation

People who are suffering with drug or alcohol addiction often just want an easy life, not to be questioned on their behaviour. Isolation feeds their addiction and makes them less responsive to any interference. 

Unwillingness to change

If you want something badly enough, you’ll do anything you can to protect it. Your loved one may be covering their tracks, so they aren’t forced to change their ways. They may also use lies to help you pay for, or enable, their habit.

Shame and denial 

Your loved one may be so ashamed of their actions they’ll do anything to hide them from you. They may also be in denial about the extent of their substance use. When someone is so obviously lying to you, it can be hard to trust anything they say. 

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How can I be patient during someone’s recovery?

According to Science Direct, more than 60% of people recovering from a substance use disorder will relapse within the first year. If it’s not the first time you’ve supported someone with an addiction, your patience may be wearing thin. Often when the fog has lifted the person can’t remember how badly they’ve treated you. Unfortunately, you can. 

How can you show the same resilience and rebuild trust a second time around? We talk a lot about self-care for the person suffering but not so often for the support giver. Remember, you’ve been through a lot, too. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or angry you could try:

Removing yourself from the situation

Take time out. Go for a walk, practise yoga, create space to breathe and think. Fit your own mask first before trying to help your loved one. 

Learning more about their condition

Read up on addiction, how it affects people and what to expect during the recovery process. It will help you to see the challenges from both sides. 

Joining a forum or support group

Talk more. Connecting with other friends and family members who are facing the same problems can really help.  

Setting clear boundaries

If you feel your patience is being stretched, set some new ground rules. You might limit the length of your visit or insist your meetings take place on your terms.  

Tips for building trust after addiction 

Trust takes time in recovery. You’ll need to work together to build your relationship back up. Partner, parent, sibling or friend, there are different types of trust that impact your bond. They all need a slightly different approach.

Building trust with your partner

When a marriage breaks down due to addiction, how do you reconnect? There are so many areas of your homelife that may have been affected, from parenting responsibilities to financial disruption. Try to remember where it all began. Start rekindling your relationship with a date night or a shared hobby. 

Rebuilding trust with friends after addiction

Building trust with friends takes commitment. Especially if they’re part of a bigger social network. As a group you may have differing opinions on whether this person deserves your support. If you’re keen to rebuild trust in your friendship focus on that alone. Find time to meet with your friend one-to-one and give them space to talk.  

Learning to trust parents again

Are you the parent of a young person in recovery? This dynamic is multi-layered as adolescence already presents parent-child trust challenges. It’s important to respect their boundaries and keep communication channels open. 

Forgiving and trusting a sibling in recovery

Brothers and sisters aren’t always best friends. With addiction in the mix trust issues can reach boiling point. However, as a sibling of someone in recovery your patience in the family healing process is crucial. Even small gestures, such as answering calls, show you care and offer essential hope. 

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Can trust ever be the same after addiction? 

Like any traumatic life event, overcoming addiction leaves its mark. As a friend or family member it’s important to focus on what you can change now rather than what happened in the past. Take each day as it comes and commit to small goals together. 

It’s normal to carry some trust issues. You might find yourself looking for problems that no longer exist. Remember, if your loved one has completed a professional therapy programme, they have all the tools they need to succeed. Don’t continue to monitor their every move. Trust in the process.

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How Delamere can help rebuild trust

We’re here to support friends and family as much as guests here at Delamere. Our wellness retreat in forest surroundings provides a tranquil setting for connection and reflection. 

From the moment your loved one decides to tackle their addiction, you can be an active part of their journey. You will be invited to visit and take part in regular connection days to understand what your person is going through.

Trust is the cornerstone of rehabilitation. We create a warm, supportive environment where guests feel valued and respected. The relationships we build with them and their peers can also support them to improve trusting relationships. Helping you to rekindle trust in your family life when they return home. 

If you’d like help rebuilding trust with a loved one, call us confidentially to speak to a member of the team today.

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