Signs and symptoms of codependency and addiction

Spotting the signs of codependency either in your own relationship or someone else’s can really help in treating addiction. Perhaps you’re living with an addicted partner or are part of someone’s friends and family who can see an unhealthy coalition developing. A codependent comes in many guises. It could be two partners both using drugs or alcohol, unwittingly placating each other’s destructive behaviour. A close family member who is enabling an addicted person for an easy life or a child with an abusing parent who has taken on the role of carer. Here are the main codependency symptoms to watch for:

Low self-esteem

A codependent person relies heavily on what people think of them. They may feel worthless outside of their role as partner or carer. After a while low self-esteem develops which makes it hard for the codependent to stand up to their addicted loved one. For the person suffering with substance abuse this allows them to feel like their behaviour is acceptable, even desired, by their codependent, and fuels the cycle of substance abuse.

Constant people-pleasing

Codependents tend to be ‘yes’ people, always happy to do someone else’s bidding, constantly apologising or accepting the blame for an addicted person’s shortcomings. They tend to hide their inner thoughts to avoid conflict yet thrive on the drama created by being in a relationship with a substance abuse sufferer. Subconsciously, they need the other person to remain addicted because it makes them feel wanted.

Putting someone else first

People suffering with alcohol addiction or drug addiction often appear selfish to friends or family members who are trying to care for them. This is because they are unable to recognise the harm they are doing to others. The same can be said for codependency and addiction. The codependent doesn’t see their partner as selfish. They will always put the needs of the other person first and themselves last. This can lead to poor self-care and ultimately to unhealthy behaviours that lead to ill health.

Non-existent boundaries

It’s quite common for boundaries to become blurred within codependency and addiction. The overwhelming urge to help a loved one can actually be detrimental to their health. By becoming too involved in their care you may say or do more than you should, taking the responsibility away from them and normalising their behaviour. It’s important for both the codependent and the addicted person to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.

Being obsessed with someone

When you are codependent, you might feel anxious or depressed if separated from your loved one or become obsessed about having regular contact. Just as an addicted person might obsess about drinking, a codependent might become fixated on their loved one’s drinking problem. If you feel like someone’s alcohol addiction or drug addiction is taking over your life it’s time to seek professional help.